2017
I was at a point in my life where I really (in my spirit) didn't want sex. But, I mean, I like sex. Who really doesn't? Even more, I grew up in a sexualized environment and losing my virginity at 13 didn't help the course of my purity either. So, of course - yeah - I liked sex and my body craved for it, a lot. But...What I didn't like was sleeping with men (boyfriend or not), and feeling completely worthless afterwards; it was because of this - in my spirit, I had gotten to the point where I really didn't want to repeat another cycle. After a year of having sex with this man, I'd made the decision to find my inner peace again and stop having sex with him - a month before our birthdays.
Needless to say, I felt like sex "maybe" could be reserved for special occasions and our birthdays was one of them. For his birthday, we had celebratory sex, and I was ok with that - slightly. I'd missed him in that nature and obviously hadn't fully surrendered my obedience to the Word in that area. Even though I was still uneasy with the projection of our relationship and honestly felt like I was giving myself away for nothing, he was embedded in me - and it was one of the deepest connections I'd ever had with someone. I believed that we had a future but it was hard for me to determine if I was investing in my future with him or simply wasting time. From experience, I figured sex was clouding my judgement big time...but anyway...
Then my birthday came along...and oh, was I was ready! I felt like, at least if I was switching the game up with pulling sex back - then the least I could do was make sure that the occasional sex was special. And oh boy, was this night special. I don't remember anything specific about it - but I'm sure I was intoxicated and highly "under the influence." What I do distinctly remember though, smh, changed my life forever.
As were having sex, we had switched positions for him to mount on top of me. We were drawn into each other, as of course it should have been. As I was laying there, completed engulfed in the passion of the moment, I heard in my mind a voice speak - and it said, "Leviathan."
It seemed like I froze. The voice I heard in my mind was SCARY. But my body kept reacting to him being inside of me. Again, in my mind, I heard a voice speak and say, "Leviathan."
It was only in my mind but the voice was as audible to me as someone speaking out loud. I was the only one that could hear it. I laid there realizing something was happening to me that had never happened before during sex. He was still on top, he was still inside of me, but nothing changed in his rhythm or expressions. It was only happening to me - whatever IT was, and I was SCARED. My spirit and soul was disturbed. And honestly, the sex was so good that my body was still reacting but my mind and spirit somehow were having a completely different experience than my body. I had never felt such an experience before.
What happened next was even more scary but clarifying, in a sense.
Another voice within my mind said, "Jesus is Lord."
I felt frozen in body, but we were still having sex - he was still on top, still inside of me.
Why didn't I stop? What the heck was going on? Why wasn't he experiencing anything? Why wasn't he stopping?
Nope...We continued - still our bodies in motion, in rhythm together - my body at this point was even climaxing. But I heard a voice speak again saying, "Jesus is Lord."
Now...Being in church as long as I have, at that point I understood that something spiritual was occurring. But it frightened me that I didn't know what exactly. However, in that moment, I understood I was having a battle and apparently "Leviathan" was an entity that was opposing my spirit and that this sex was it's opened door to attack.
I heard again my mind, the voice declare, "Jesus is Lord."
Ironically, he reached his climax and I laid there frozen still afterwards. I asked him did he feel or hear anything differently.
"No," he said.
I shared with him my experience, and he was wow'd speechless. He had no explanation and neither did I. I had had spiritual encounters where I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit tangibly - but I had never in my life experienced the spirit realm in that degree - right in battle. While I knew passively that sex brought a level of spiritual intimacy and was a gateway for the spirit realm to be accessed - I didn't quite study the influence of demonic portals being opened that way with sex.
The next day I reached out to one of my spiritual leaders, asking about "Leviathan." I searched scriptures. I "googled." I engulfed myself in learning about what had taken place. I also reached out to a prayer warrior and asked her if she had prayed for me the night before, and she said, "Yes."
My mind was blown. My Father had covered me, again, in my willful disobedience.
Needless to say, that was the last time we had sex until 400 days later.
Join Me Tuesday!
There is a lot more I want to discuss behind this topic! I'm inviting you to join me live at 1:00pm CST on my Facebook page >> Zoe Dee Speaks !
Until then, feel free to read the next experience that shortly followed - The Fire Experience.