The most interesting part I suppose, is that I actually wanted to be a wife and mother at that age - and that I actually became a wife, then mother, in my early 20s.
What I didn't prepare for, or rather - wasn't prepared for - was how to be a wife; and how to be a mother.
See, somewhere along the years, even though the desire for these two did not change - the infiltration of the Satanic Thought System had begun. I was being trained to have my own money, get an education first, don't be with a man who can't do anything for you, and etc. Y'all know.. all the feminine voices that speak from generations of indoctrination of systemic division of our black homes.
Well. It would stand to reason that I was not even five years into my marriage, with one child and filing for divorce. Why? I deserved better than what I married. Of course. ππ
Isn't that one of the arguments? He was xyz and I didn't need to "settle." I could be on my own, make my own money, take care of my baby? Right. I mean.. I suppose but the problem is ... I simply was not trained on this key things that this blog series is teaching.
I lacked the following -
- did not know my purpose as a woman (although I had a yearning to walk in it even as a young girl)
- did not understand the role of a husband I so righteously desired
- did not understand the purpose of a marriage
Because once again, if you don't know the purpose of a thing, abuse is inevitable.
Marriage Is a Covenant, Not a Romance
The first purpose of marriage is not personal happiness — it is covenant obedience.
π Malachi 2:14
"...she is thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant."
In Hebraic culture, marriage is a spiritual and legal transaction — sealed by:
A bride price (mohar) paid by the groom
A ketubah (marriage covenant) outlining the husband’s obligations
A consummation, sealing the covenant through blood (yes, this matters to Yah)
π‘ Note: Blood was a sign of covenant — this is why sex is sacred and not to be separated from spiritual responsibility.
Marriage was never built on feelings. It was:
Ordered by Yah
Witnessed by family
Sealed by covenant
Designed for legacy
Note: People that attempt to create the narrative that this isn't biblcial marriage should truly study what they consider to be biblical marriages. While I want to stay on topic here - I need to include that these practices are not "outdated", "done away with", or "excluded" from how the Most High intended for marriages to be established.
Part 2: Torah-Based Reasons for Marriage
πΉ 1. To Secure Lineage and Inheritance
A man would marry his brother’s widow to preserve the family name and inheritance. (Note: Whether the brother was already married or not was not an issue; this is because polygyny was understood to be a biblical form of marriage.)
πΉ 2. To Form Alliances Within the Righteous Seed
Abraham sends his servant to find a wife from his own people, not from the surrounding pagan nations.
πΉ 3. To Fulfill a Vow or Agreement
Jacob marries Rachel and Leah due to vows and labor agreements.
The goal was not romance — it was covenant fulfillment and fruitfulness.
πΉ 4. To Uphold Righteousness and Protect the Woman
If a man lies with a virgin, he must marry her — unless her father refuses.
This protected the woman’s honor and future and held the man accountable. (Note: This dismantles "pre-marital sex" as a sin; as the Most High gave instructions on what to do in the case of this happening.)
πΉ 5. To Preserve a Set-Apart Bloodline (Yah is against interracial marriages.)
Nehemiah rebuked Israel for marrying Ammonites, Moabites, and other nations — because they led men into sin, like Solomon.
Marriage was meant to:
Keep the worship of Yah pure
Protect tribal inheritance
Preserve the holy seed of Israel
To mix marriages was to invite idolatry, confusion of roles, and spiritual rebellion into the house. Why? Because different nations served different gods as well.
π‘ Today, this not only applies to marrying outside of our nation (color) but also translates to being unequally yoked — marrying someone outside of covenant with Yah or in rebellion to His order.
Part 3: The Husband as Covering and Authority Review
Last week we looked at the role of the husband. Click here to review that.
Part 4: Selah & Application
π Reflection Questions:
If you’ve only ever seen marriage through romance, passion, or partnership — this may feel like too much. I get it; because that's all we've seen. Think about the music, the television movies, the television sitcoms, the books, etc. In every single thing that we look at relating to love and marriage: how much of it actually looks like what we have looked at scripturally?
The truth is:
Marriage is Yah’s strategy for legacy, worship, and dominion.
It is a covenant structure, not a love story written in Roman form.
It is designed to build nations, not fulfill feelings.
You, as a wife, are not a sidekick or doormat — you are a divinely placed helper in a covenant that reflects the government of Yah.
And if you entered marriage through feelings alone — it’s not too late to bring it back into divine order. It may take some learning and unlearning, as we are doing here. But that doesn't mean that it can't be done.
Selah.
✅ Challenge:
π Recommit your marriage to Yah’s design. Trust me, it doesn't really work outside of HIS design.
Ask Him:
“Abba, teach me to honor my role as a wife under covenant. Cleanse my mind of worldly patterns, and restore my heart to Your original blueprint.”
π Study Challenge: Read and journal through:
Genesis 24 (Arranged marriage of Isaac + Rebekah)
Numbers 30 (Vows + headship)
Deuteronomy 7 (Set-apart marriage law)