"Delete the page," I heard him say.I hesitated for a minute; I'm thinking "I'm crazy right now."
Then I heard, "What are you afraid of?"
The voice was a little louder than my own thoughts. It wasn't audible but somehow I knew that these thoughts weren't mine; they were louder and even the voice was different.
But anyway, I checked myself and realized that I really was afraid. I was afraid to trust Yahweh to manifest His promises in my life because I had charged Him with letting me down so many times before. Isn't that we do, ultimately right? We don't want to say it, but we do. (I'll save that for another blog).
So I said quietly, "Nothing" but He knew. I remember dropping to my knees at some point but after that He continued and told me that my gifts, my talents, my everything - all belonged to him. He told me He wasn't concerned with what I wanted. I had kept asking Him for trivial things, minute things; things that He could give me in the blink of an eye and after He said that, He exclaimed with EMPHASIS "I WANT TO SEND YOU TO THE NATIONS! I'm not concerned with the little things you want! I can give you that and MORE! FEED MY SHEEP!"I think at this moment I bowed. See, I realized that I'd been trying to fulfill these big visions on my own strength, in my own counsel and everything. Every vision He gave me, I numbed down and made small. Ironically so, He had just told me last year "You're still thinking too small." Too afraid to really, really do it HIS way because what IF it didn't work? I "knew" though that my way would work because I mean, I was doing it right? WRONG.
See, dying to self means you accept that YOU BELONG TO HIM. HE PAID FOR YOU WITH HIS BLOOD. YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN.
But let me tell you...since that death, since my surrender, He has answered prayers without me even asking, given me peace and joy in the midst of situations I should have lost my mind in. He has supernaturally protected me and my family. More than THAT, OH MORE THAN THAT...
He has allowed me to begin fulfilling my purpose on this Earth. Talk about writing? Scripts and songs have been flowing from me. My joy is back!!! My praise is back! I loooooooooooove spending time in His presence! I am learning how to be a better woman, mother, daughter. I mean, I could go on and on and on. The greatest thing is seeing Him use this body to manifest His presence to His other children. The Holy Spirit has shown Himself mightily just through my obedience! Have I missed it? Yes. When do I miss the mark the most? When I'm not in his presence!!! Seriously. When I don't saturate myself, my mind with Him. People have been blessed through the Word of prophecies, women have been encouraged and experienced realness.
And JUST as He promised, HE HAS OPENED UP NATIONAL MINISTRY to women in Malawi and Nigeria thus far. And even in all of this glory, I got complacent ONE day. One day I decided, no fasting, no praying, I'm just 'chillin' and let me tell you - that ain't even an option no more! I experienced another fire experience. I'll call this, "Just Like My Daddy - My Jacob Experience." Stay tuned for that soon; maybe not next but soon.
But if you haven't read the first blog that talks about "The Fire Experience" click here. Also, I encourage you check out "Are You Dead Yet?!". Read at your own risk though! LOL Have your Bible at hand!
*Insert smirk*
Until next time, may the manifested power of Yahweh reveal Himself to you! Blessings.